Our Sacred Betrothal – James and Daisy

Early in our relationship, we discovered Patrick O’Hearn’s “Courtship of the Saints: How the Saints Met their Spouses,” a book that became our guide from friendship to courtship. Following the wisdom within its pages, we worked to preserve our purity and grow together in virtue, always keeping Christ at the center of our union.

As we prepared to formalize our commitment to one another, we chose something more meaningful than a typical engagement. On January 23rd, the Feast of the Espousal of the Virgin Mary to St. Joseph, we celebrated the ancient Rite of Betrothal at Holy Trinity Catholic Church. This solemn liturgical blessing, with roots stretching back through centuries of Catholic tradition to ancient Jewish custom, made our relationship more than just about ourselves by placing our future marriage under Heaven’s particular protection.

The Biblical Foundation

The betrothal of the Blessed Virgin Mary to St. Joseph provides the model and theological foundation for all Catholic betrothals. In first-century Judaism, marriage occurred in two distinct stages. First came the contractual arrangement culminating in consent, called betrothal. This was far more binding than a modern engagement. The betrothed couple were legally husband and wife, though they did not yet live together. Only the second stage, the ceremonial bringing of the bride to the husband’s home, completed the marriage.

When the angel Gabriel appeared to Mary, she was already “betrothed to a man whose name was Joseph” (Luke 1:27). This betrothal served multiple purposes in God’s providential plan. Practically, Jewish law required that Mary be betrothed since she had reached marriageable age. More mysteriously, her betrothal to Joseph protected her as she fulfilled Isaiah’s prophecy (7:14) to bear the Messiah. Both Mary and Joseph had made vows of perpetual virginity, making theirs a unique marriage unlike any other, yet a very real marriage nonetheless.

The Ancient Ecclesiastical Custom

The Church adopted the Jewish custom of formal betrothal from its earliest days. Canon 1017 of the 1917 Code of Canon Law describes betrothal as “praiseworthy and in accord with ancient ecclesiastical custom.” Furthermore, Canon 1017 clarified that even after formal betrothal, “no action is admissible to compel the celebration of marriage.” The couple remained free to dissolve the betrothal.

In recent years, Catholic couples have embraced betrothal with remarkable enthusiasm. Betrothals have become a top search term on Catholic websites, appearing frequently on social media and gaining widespread attention among young Catholics seeking more formal preparation for marriage.

The renewed interest stems from several factors. Many couples recognize that contemporary engagement has become trivialized, reduced to announcing a future wedding date without the spiritual gravity that should accompany such a commitment. A betrothal ceremony emphasizes that the couple is preparing to enter an order in the Church, the “order of spouses,” reminding them that their relationship is not a purely private affair. The blessing asks that their future union “be found worthy to be in all truth a sacramental image and reality of the union of Christ and His beloved Bride, the Church.”

The reading from the book of Tobit captures the spirit beautifully: “Then Tobias exhorted the virgin, and said to her: Sara, arise, and let us pray to God today, and tomorrow, and the next day; because for these three nights we are joined to God; and when the third night is over, we will be in our own wedlock. For we are the children of saints, and we must not be joined together like heathens that know not God.”

The Rite of Betrothal we celebrated exists not as a universal liturgical requirement but as an optional blessing found in the appendix of Father Philip Weller’s popular English translation of the Roman Ritual.

Why We Chose Betrothal

Our love for one another runs deep, but we know we must first and always love God above all else. By bringing our relationship before the altar and consecrating our commitment through the Rite of Betrothal, we humbly asked the Lord to bless our union, strengthen our resolve, and guide us toward the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony.

We hope you will come to appreciate the beauty and grace of this ancient rite as we have. It stands as a sacred threshold between courtship and marriage, where two souls publicly pledge themselves to one another under the eyes of God, His Church, and the community we hold dear.